Today, it began. Tutoring, that is. It felt like my first day of school. Will the kids like me? Will I know what to do? It was very nerve wracking. I met the lady in charge of the program and she took me to meet the teacher and to grab the first kid.
I really wasn't mentally prepared at all for any of it. I didn't think I needed to be. So many other times in my life I psyched myself up for something and then watched as all my expectations fell short. However, I think I should have done some mental pushups or jogging in place or SOMETHING to have helped me. I met the teacher and then saw the boy. We'll call him Dave. Trying hard not to have any judgment or preconceived ideas as to how the next 8 months were going to play out for us, I tried striking up a conversation. How do you talk to a 12 year old? I think I forgot what that was even like. I even got his name wrong. I felt so bad. I tried playing it up like some joke, but that fell flat.
We made it to the desk where we were stationed. I was given a questionnaire as a sort of "get-to-know-you" exercise. That was a challenge. Either he didn't feel comfortable sharing his favorite movie or food, or he just didn't have very many preferences. This was going to be way harder than I thought. Shy doesn't begin to come close to how he was.
The next activity was even more difficult. I had two books from which he could choose. He didn't like "The Westing Game" or "A Wind in the Door." Now what? I kept asking in different ways, trying to maintain a positive vibe. He just didn't want to choose. I offered him a few other suggestions, but he just wouldn't! Finally, I chose the book - a ghost story. What 12-year-old boy wouldn't want to read that? Soon after, our time was up and he went back to his classroom without a word. Sigh.
The next one was a girl and we'll call her Tina. She was the complete opposite of Dave, with the exception that she was a little shy too. We chatted through the get-to-know-you questions and then looked at the books. After we read the descriptions on the back, she decided on one of the books in about 2 seconds. We finished up quickly and she then headed back to the classroom. What a difference the two were!
I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook where Dave is concerned. We'll see how Thursday goes. Maybe I need to read some books about 12-year-old boys. Something to know what goes on inside their heads.
Any of you have suggestions for me?
JP was tutoring a kid from our ward for awhile and it was EXTREMELY frustrating for him. He said it was more stressful tutoring that kid than his own homework was, and that's saying something. I am not saying that this kid will be hard to tutor, but I think boys handle being tutored differently than girls-they are embarrassed to be there, don't connect as well with the tutor, don't want to be there, they are afraid that they'll be made fun of, especially if they start to like it. And there's a social stigma against boys liking to read or being able to read well. Reading is for girls. Of course that is an overgeneralization, but that has been my experience with kids that age and gender. In some cases, the reason they struggle with tutoring is the reason why they are there in the first place, whether it's a learning disability like add/adhd that keeps them from concentrating, extreme shyness, very low self esteem where they would care a lot about what others would think if they knew they went to tutoring and/or thinking they are dumb & shouldn't even bother trying.
ReplyDeleteThis will be an excellent opportunity for you to practice having an older child! I know every kid is different and your children may not ever deal with these specific problems, but you will have to learn how to deal when your kid doesn't want to do homework or something. Look at me spouting off like that. I avoid experiences like that (tutoring, etc.-I'd avoid teaching primary too if they would let me. lol) because I visualize a lot of situations and it is overwhelming to me to know that I'll have to deal with that as a parent. Which is one of the many reasons why I don't have any kids yet. :)
Yikes. That was a doom and gloom post. I'm really sorry! I'm really proud that you're helping the ward and program out! Good luck!
Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Percy Jackson and Alex Rider (listed by reading level, lowest to highest) are really popular books for that age group. And they're all pretty fun reads for oldies like us, too.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up on the tutoring, but don't push too hard, either. I promise you, he'll open up little by little, and it's the little victories that make it all worthwhile.