The words I say

A better me.

2012-01-24T10:51:00.001-07:00

When was the last time you were disappointed in yourself? Imean truly disappointed.

And we’re not talking disappointed in yourself for buyingunderwear sizes too small and you couldn’t return it (even though they put it with the underwear that wasyour size! Ok, off my soap box).

I’m not even talking about disappointment when you letopportunities slip away like your chance at a free sandwich at your favoriterestaurant (STILL upset over that one).

I’m talking about disappointment when you let yourself down.That was me yesterday. I was not my best self. I was “High School Sarah.” Theone that liked to gossip and find entertainment in the drama around me. Yup,that was me, sad to say. I guess I’m a gossiper in recovery.

Anyway, I felt I had been so good – avoiding topics thatcould lead to gossip, changing the subject if it came up. It was something thatI had been conscientiously working on for years. Not saying that I never didit. Like I said, I’m in recovery.

Well I guess I could blame it on “The Bachelor.” Have youSEEN that show? It’s hilarious. And dumb. At the same time. But perfect forthat bit of girl time you wanted with your BFF. Lucky for me, since we don’t have cable or dish, myneighbor DVR’d it (since she didn’t have the time to watch it) and invited meto watch it with her. Heck yes – I’m all for laughing at the silly antics girlsdo to get the guy’s attention. Or the camera’s. Whatever it is.

Anyway, so in the middle of watching it (and after hearingtons of “OMG, she’s so (insert whatever negative phrase).” “Oh I can’t believeshe’s doing that.” “Oh she has a personality disorder. I hate her,” my friendturns to me and says, “Oh, do I have a funny story for you!” She launches intothis story about a woman we both know and yes, it wasn’t very nice.

And do you know what I do? I join her. Because I have astory to go along with that one of the same woman EVEN THOUGH I had a nagginglittle thought that said, “Don’t do it, Sarah, you’re better than that.” I wentright ahead and totally ignored thatlittle thought.

Hours later, I was thinking it over and realized what I haddone. I felt terrible. I had let myself down. It was a few short moments oflaughter and fun for what?

Now you’re probably thinking I’m making a bigger deal of thisthan I should. Well, if you’ve ever been an addict in recovery, you knowrelapses are tough and difficult. Sometimes they throw hard curves that makeshaking it harder than if you never did. Also, that little moment marked mycharacter, tarnishing it. It’s going to take a lot of cleaning to make it lookbeautiful again. I don’t want to be known as someone who will take pleasure inlaughing at others’ expense. That is not me nor who I want to be.

So today? I'm going to be a better me. And I'll listen to those nagging thoughts that come around because I need all the help I can get.

Impacting books

2012-01-05T10:21:00.001-07:00

Throughout my life, I can think of a few books that have left a lasting impression on my life. I'm not talking about books that were fun and engaging, but that truly changed me. Here are some of them
1. The Book of Mormon
2. The Bible
3. The Diary of Anne Frank
4. Roots by Alex Haley
5. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
6. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
7. The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
8. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

This last year, I've added a couple more to the list:

The Land by Mildred Taylor

and

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See.

These books have shaped my thinking. The Land is by the same author as Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry and tells of the journeys and life of the grandfather, Paul-Edward Logan. All his life, he dealt with the struggle of being half white and half black, but it becomes more difficult for him as he tries to make a name for himself, buy land and support his family. It tells of sacrifice and hard work - you feel his pain as hardship comes along and you feel the agony when a loved one dies. I felt the yearnings of his heart to know what it feels like to actually own his own property. Never has a story struck me so much on sacrifice.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan is a story about friendship. In 19th century China, two girls, Snow Flower and Lily are paired as laotung or old sames - they share the same birthday, their feet are the same and share the same characters. This pairing symbolizes a cementing of a relationship that is stronger than even their relationship with their husbands. They share notes through a secret women's language called nu shu. They grow up together, have their feet bound together and learn to be good wives. However, just as any friendship, theirs is put through the ringer. Through a miscommunication in one letter, Lily abandons the friendship. For 8 years, they were separated and Lily harbored a hatred for her laotung. Finally, word is sent that Snow Flower is dying and Lily goes to her aid. She nurses Snow Flower during her last days as their love is rekindled and forgiveness given.

What a story filled with heartache, love and forgiveness. I was moved and reminded of my own relationships and realized their fragility and how they need maintenance and care.

Whenever I finish books like these, I want everyone to read them! I want them to feel the same passion about these stories and feel the same changes as I did. Funny thing about books is that people react differently to them. But seriously, check these two out for sure. I'm really loving Lisa See, especially her Shanghai Girls book. I feel like such an expert now on Chinese culture after reading the last few books (Mao's Last Dancer and Shanghai Girls).

I knew when I began a love affair with books at a young age that it would change my life, and all thanks to my mother who instilled that love. I can't wait to see what awesomely impactful books I'll read this year!

Of Books and Stickers

2011-11-17T15:34:00.001-07:00

Tutoring session number two finished an hour ago and I'm still smiling. Dave and I are on good terms. How do I know that? He gave me a sticker. Put it right on my forehead. I made a silly face at him, letting him know I was playing along. And then he took Tina's stickers, then gave them back after I threatened to go to the teacher.

Thank goodness for the teacher. She called me yesterday and we chatted about Dave. I learned some things about him that explained his behavior. I stepped in his shoes and walked around them a bit. That was my exercise, my mental preparation. It worked. The only thing I worried about was coming across sincere. But I just made my mind forget anything I knew about him and concentrated on him right then. Mind you, I did have to mention something his teacher told me. His mom promised to take him and a friend to a major sporting event if he cooperated in class and in the reading sessions. Once I said that, he reluctantly began reading. I think he even got into the story a bit.

When the program leader gave him the Thanksgiving stickers, he plastered them all over his folder. Except for one chipmunk, which he reserved for my forehead. Still makes me smile.

First day

2011-11-15T18:57:00.001-07:00

Today, it began. Tutoring, that is. It felt like my first day of school. Will the kids like me? Will I know what to do? It was very nerve wracking. I met the lady in charge of the program and she took me to meet the teacher and to grab the first kid.

I really wasn't mentally prepared at all for any of it. I didn't think I needed to be. So many other times in my life I psyched myself up for something and then watched as all my expectations fell short. However, I think I should have done some mental pushups or jogging in place or SOMETHING to have helped me. I met the teacher and then saw the boy. We'll call him Dave. Trying hard not to have any judgment or preconceived ideas as to how the next 8 months were going to play out for us, I tried striking up a conversation. How do you talk to a 12 year old? I think I forgot what that was even like. I even got his name wrong. I felt so bad. I tried playing it up like some joke, but that fell flat.

We made it to the desk where we were stationed. I was given a questionnaire as a sort of "get-to-know-you" exercise. That was a challenge. Either he didn't feel comfortable sharing his favorite movie or food, or he just didn't have very many preferences. This was going to be way harder than I thought. Shy doesn't begin to come close to how he was.

The next activity was even more difficult. I had two books from which he could choose. He didn't like "The Westing Game" or "A Wind in the Door." Now what? I kept asking in different ways, trying to maintain a positive vibe. He just didn't want to choose. I offered him a few other suggestions, but he just wouldn't! Finally, I chose the book - a ghost story. What 12-year-old boy wouldn't want to read that? Soon after, our time was up and he went back to his classroom without a word. Sigh.

The next one was a girl and we'll call her Tina. She was the complete opposite of Dave, with the exception that she was a little shy too. We chatted through the get-to-know-you questions and then looked at the books. After we read the descriptions on the back, she decided on one of the books in about 2 seconds. We finished up quickly and she then headed back to the classroom. What a difference the two were!

I'm trying to maintain a positive outlook where Dave is concerned. We'll see how Thursday goes. Maybe I need to read some books about 12-year-old boys. Something to know what goes on inside their heads.

Any of you have suggestions for me?

Keeping busy

2011-10-25T15:48:00.001-06:00

As October wraps up (yes, I know there is one week left), I feel pretty content about life. We're settling in our new location well and I've begun planting myself here in many ways. I've become involved and I'm pretty excited about it all. Besides, it keeps me from being lazy.

Jed and I helped with the church activity the beginning of this month and then I've volunteered to help out with the women's church group (Relief Society) activity as well, and both were a blast. We've made some friends through it, which is why I wanted to be involved so much. My latest adventure hasn't even started and I'm nervous and apprehensive, yet thrilled to be apart of it.

Our church has teamed up with Americorp and KSL to help tutor children in elementary schools in reading. A month or so ago, I heard about it briefly at church and casually asked the Bishop about it, who emailed me some information. Well, I didn't go to the super long training and forgot completely about it until a week or so ago when I was told I was on a list of volunteers and that I need to attend a training. Well, I went to one (with Adam in tow) and had to leave after an hour because Adam was being, well, a toddler. So I went to the other training, but just showed up late. Luckily, Adam was more calm and content in a closed off area.

During the training, I couldn't help but think how much this would benefit me. Sure, I'll be helping a couple of children a week, but let's be honest - I'm getting the better end of the deal.

Finders Keepers

2011-09-27T01:00:00.000-06:00

So I like to frequent thrift stores, especially the local Deseret Industries, which is Utah's version of a Goodwill. I have on occasion found some really neat things such as a cute dress-made-into-skirt or cute childrens' books. The other day I went with a mission: to look for fun fall decor, or things that could be turned into cute fall decor. I wasn't disappointed.

Here are my findings:

* 5 vases
* 1 candle
* 1 pumpkin candle holder
* 4 cornucopias
* 1 ball of string
* 3 books
* 1 bag of wooden Halloween items (cat, ghost, and pumpkins)
* 1 bag of plastic fruit (for cornucopias)
* 1 misc. holder (I have no idea what you call it. It's in the back on the right side.)

How much, you ask? A whopping $20! I was excited. I plan on getting some tree branches with colorful leaves or wheat stalks to put in the vases. Maybe some pumpkins and gourds to put in the one holder thingy (what is it called???). But I'm pretty excited. Oh I should mention the books will turn into pumpkins ... at midnight! Just kidding, but their destiny is to become book pumpkins as pictured here:

Source: u-createcrafts.com via Sarah on Pinterest

Isn't that neat? I have one that's a graphic novel, which I thought would have a cool effect. It's one of my first projects ever to do from an idea that I found on Pinterest. Now I just need to finish it...

Have you had success at thrift stores and what did you find?

Bloggers Girls' Night Out

2011-09-25T21:09:00.000-06:00

This last week was full of girls' night outs with the trip to Provo to see a famous author to the General Relief Society Meeting (which I'll write about soon) but Friday night's GNO (girls' night out) was completely different. With this event, I knew one person and only barely.

I met Kaysi of Keeping it Simple (a crafty blog) one day when she asked on Facebook if anyone in the Salt Lake area would like free scrapbooking supplies. Since I'm a sucker for freebies, I was the first to answer yes. So we arranged to meet. It was pretty fun getting to know her if only for a few minutes, but she invited me to a blogger's night out at the Cheesecake Factory in Murray. I thought, Why not? But as Friday came closer, I had my misgivings. I would know no one, except for Kaysi, and would be a little out of place with all the other crafty girls there (ok yes, I'm crafty, but not like these people who sell what they make)

Well, I arrive at the designated time, get seated (not after waiting forever realizing that I don't know what or who to look for) and then, gasp! I actually enjoy myself.

I met these fabulous girls:

and ate this fabulous dessert:

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cheesecake. I died. And went to paradise. And I saved some for Jed - aren't I the best wifey?

I even won a prize (actually, we all did) and will use it for the next baby shower (rolled up burp clothes so they look like a piece of candy - way cute!).

At the end, I was so glad I went. I met some really neat ladies and one even lives pretty close to me.

Lesson to you all: Get. Out. Of. Your. Comfort. Zone. Fun things'll happen.

Finished

2011-09-23T08:57:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I finished a project that I had been working on for ... oh, MONTHS and can I tell you what a sigh of relief that is?

Ok, so it didn't take me months to finish. I took many breaks in between. Long periods of thinking, "Eh, I'll get to it later." I had a deadline (October), but in my mind, it could have been 3,000 years from now. Plus, I would get to a hard part and just give up. It took too much brain power to figure out a solution. Or I got too frustrated and before something became irreparable, I put it down and left.

Well, enough of my ramblings. Here is the finished product.

Yes, it's a nursing cover - for a friend. We are way beyond that with Adam, thank goodness.

You may think it's not that big of a deal, but trust me, it is.

All I can say now is "Hallelujah!" and "I'm never doing that again."

Evening with an author

2011-09-23T08:47:00.000-06:00

I think I can say now that Utah may be cooler than Idaho. Just a little. And only in certain aspects. For instance, I'm a lot closer to some really good friends. And then when those friends invite me to do cool things with them, I can actually go! That's how it went this past week. Tammy, my good friend from college, invited me to listen to a New York Time's best-selling author, Cinda Williams Chima. Now I had never heard of her before, but I thought, what the hey and went. The presentation happened to be in this beautiful building:

First of all, traffic going down to Provo was horrible, but we made it and only missed the very beginning of her presentation. It was fascinating and reminded me of aspirations I had as a little girl. From a young age, I had thought about becoming an author, being inspired by an amazing teacher of mine. Well, as time went on, I saw that really wasn't my passion and moved on to other things. I still felt akin to Cinda as she described herself and her love of stories and books. Through an inspiring teacher who framed a poem she had wrote, Cinda realized she could be a successful writer.

And she was successful, but despite that, she impressed me as being very down to earth. I can't wait to read her books now. All in all, it was a great evening with friends and book lovers alike.

Not prepared

2011-09-19T14:12:00.000-06:00

Mondays have such a bad rap - no one likes them. Well, that's for a reason! Monday is usually my laundry day, but I didn't know how bad I would need to do it. Until I went to get ready for the day and saw I needed to do a load before I could do any getting ready. So now, it's mid-afternoon and I'm still in my pj's. And we're not talking sweats and a t-shirt - it's the bottom-of-the-barrel pj's (hence the laundry). So I continue with the day while the clothes get clean when I hear the doorbell. Oh shoot. I look through the peephole thingy thinking maybe I can fool them and not answer the door, except two men dressed in uniform happened to be there. You can't ignore the police. So I do what any good citizen would do and answer the door, except I peek out, trying to hide my unkempt appearance. I'm sure I reeked of innocence.

I ask what they want and they ask for the name of someone. I of course have no clue who it is, so I answer fast, hoping to get rid of them. They asked if she left a forwarding address and I answer no. All this time I'm being curt because I'm embarrassed. Finally they leave, and I close the door thinking that I probably sounded like I was lying.

So if I call one of you for bail or something, you know you can blame it all on the laundry.

A day of remembering

2011-09-11T20:54:00.000-06:00

Like everyone else, I'm reminded of the terrible events that changed our great nation. I loved the Music and Spoken Word put on by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Tom Brokaw this morning. The music, the images and the words brought so many emotions to the surface. While I didn't have any sort of connection with the attacks or have any family in the military, I was still touched.

Today Jed and I spoke in church about Patriots' Day. I focused my message on freedom. We have many freedoms: freedom from oppression, from tyranny, from hate. But the Lord's idea of freedom goes beyond that. He means "freedom to" – the freedom to act in the dignity of our own choice. Elder F. Enzio Busche spoke on that here.

Another quote that I found that really impacted me is by an unknown author. It's "freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought." I love that. We are free to choose what we should, bringing us more liberty. I am so grateful for my freedoms - especially my freedoms to do what I should. Recently I came to an understanding regarding our service men and women. I am so grateful to them – and for their families – who sacrifice for my behalf and others'.

I follow the blog of a friend of a friend. Her husband has been deployed to Iraq for 13 months (I believe). I've followed it throughout the whole deployment and I can't comprehend how difficult that would be. She writes how her two sons miss and need their dad. One son sleeps with a cardboard cutout of his dad. It breaks my heart to read about their struggles.

So here's to the men and women who serve our country, to those who were killed, but also to those who live and continue on making this country great. Thank you.

Poor neglected blog

2011-09-06T09:01:00.000-06:00

I keep wondering if I should let this one go, or keep it. I want a place for my thoughts (when I feel like posting about them) that's separate from the family blog, so this is it. You may notice that I haven't posted in a while. It's because I get scared. I go through times when I bare my soul and I don't care, but lately, I've held back and don't want everyone to read my thoughts. I heard recently that the way to know what you think is to write your thoughts. I recently heard someone quote Brad Wilcox and what he wrote in an Ensign article:

I once asked a college professor what he thought about a particular issue. He said: “I don’t know. I’ve never written anything about it.” His response puzzled me at the time, but not anymore.“Thoughts are created in the act of writing. [It is a myth that] you must have something to say in order to write. Reality: You often need to write in order to have anything to say. Thought comes with writing, and writing may never come if it is postponed until we are satisfied that we have something to say. … The assertion of write first, see what you had to say later applies to all manifestations of written language, to letters … as well as to diaries and journals” (Frank Smith, “Myths of Writing,” Language Arts 58, no. 7 [1981]: 793, 795).

So apparently, I don't know what to think, since I haven't written anything, except for a little guest post over at Modern Molly Mormon which has been a nice little outlet for all my spiritual thoughts. So I promise to write more consistently here, not for you, but for me. I need to know what I think and what I know.

Not so bad

2011-05-25T10:23:00.000-06:00

Typically, after a natural disaster, I stay away from the media coverage. I'm not quite sure why, but I think part of it may be because of lumps that form and then get caught in my throat or water leakage from the eyes. I just choose not to want to feel so I avoid it altogether. However, with the (second) most recent tragedy of the tornado-struck Joplin, Mo., I couldn't NOT look or read or feel.

It probably had something to do with me feeling sorry for myself. You see, I was up all night listening to a sad, little boy cry because of some teeth working through his sensitive gums. I felt I had it bad and I deserved a pajama day and was ready to throw a pity party.

Then, as I'm checking the news for the day, I come across a WSJ article about the damage and my heart just tore into pieces. After reading the article and looking at the pictures, I felt shame. Shame that I felt that I had it bad. What a realization that I never had it so good. My house wasn't in pieces. My family members are all accounted for. I have working electricity and I know where my next meal is coming from. My town may have suffered from a deluge of rain yesterday, but it's intact. I am sufficiently humbled.

So yet another reminder that I could always have it worse and a realization for all that I have for which to be thankful.

From We Are THAT Family, the following:

Please consider doing something:

World Vision: Text”‘TORNADO” to 20222 to give a $10 donation. You can also donate online or call 1-888-511-6443 to support World Vision’s effort.
The Salvation Army’s disaster-relief efforts in Joplin can be supported by texting “JOPLIN” to 80888 to make a $10 donation. You can also donate through their website or by calling 1-800-SAL-ARMY.
Red Cross is providing shelter and distributing needed supplies. Text “REDCROSS” to 90999 to make a $10 donation, or visit thewebsite to donate, give blood or volunteer
Make and send hygiene kits to Heart to Heart
Convoy of Hope is delivering food and water to Joplin. Those wanting to help can text the word “CONVOY” to 50555 to make a $10 donation. You can also donateonline or by calling 1-417-823-8998.
Christ the King Church, a local Joplin church, has a great list of ways to help
You can also mail items listed below to-

James River Assembly (link to give online thru this church)

Attn: *Cherish Kids* Adoption/Foster Families in Joplin

6100 North 19th Street

Ozark, MO 65721

-Rubbermaid type totes with lids—medium and large sizes -Hand sanitizer -Gift cards–Wal-Mart and Target -Cases of water -Bags of groceries filled with food items (non-perishables) -Diapers -Wipes -Snack items -Toiletries (soap, toothpaste, toothbrushes, deodorant, contact solution, feminine hygiene products, etc.) -work gloves, plastic tarps and -Pack and Play type cribs

Pray for peace, healing and comfort to those injured, grieving, displaced, suffering

A post-Mother's Day post (haha)

2011-05-10T10:57:00.000-06:00

I only feet it's apropos to write my feelings in regards to my first-ever Mother's Day. Last year apparently didn't count since Adam was only half-baked. But the lessons in church and some things I've read have changed my mind and perspective about that. I now feel I've been gypped out of 25 Mother's Days.

What am I saying? I'm saying that my whole existence has been about motherhood, and I'm not talking about preparing for the day when I would enter that labor and delivery room and out comes a baby. Motherhood, I've learned, is much more than that, says Sheri Dew. And she is so right! Motherhood is not solely equated with maternity! Every woman needs to get over that way of thinking and focus on how she can be a better mother not only to her own children or family, but to those around her.

Early that morning, I sat and contemplated what it meant to be a mother and found myself very lacking. Instead of getting discouraged, I was emboldened. The talks and lessons at church supported this feeling. They broadened my view and taught me how to be a better mother. I learned that motherhood for me did not begin when I first conceived our son. Rather, it began long ago, before I even came to this earth. My husband thought that most of the talks seemed to "cater" to those who couldn't have children. I disagreed. They said to me that I was chosen and called to be a mother, along with every other righteous woman. Not only that, but I'm destined to continue to be a mother after this mortal life as long as I keep my covenants. I don't even think I can begin to understand the magnitude of that.

Sheri Dew says, "Our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality, righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood."

Don't most of us remember times when we were little girls, rocking our baby dolls to sleep or feeding them? We all feel that yearning to nurture, to tenderly care for others. It's an innate attribute we all share and must learn to cultivate carefully.

Not only will we continue to have an increase after this life, but the very word, "mother" characterizes us in the hereafter: "For mother is the word that will define a righteous woman made perfect in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom, a woman who has qualified for eternal increase in posterity, wisdom, joy, and influence." What a promise and incentive to live up to my very potential as a mother.

Sometimes, we find ourselves waiting on the Lord for promised blessings. For everyone, it's different. This is what Sheri Dew said about those without children: "For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature." I think the key word is "delay." Everyone needs to be reminded of that. The Lord has made promises and He will pull through for us. We have to remember it's on His timeline though, not ours.

It only makes sense that Relief Society declaration states "Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood." How exhilarating it is to be a woman and what a glorious time it is to be a mother to those who need it.

Just a hug

2011-05-02T09:45:00.000-06:00

You know how people say all it takes is something small like a smile or squeeze of the hand that helps people the most? For me, hearing it often got kind of old and it didn't hold much for me, until yesterday (Sunday).

This weekend was crazy. I was gone most of Saturday volunteering at the food co-op and then at a friend's son's birthday party and then prepping for a girls' night I was hosting. The girls' night was fun until my 9-month-old son woke up due to our peals of laughter. I had to end the party early because he wouldn't be consoled. That was around 10:45 p.m. and he finally fell asleep around 1 a.m. Heedless of his lack of sleep, he was up at 7:15 a.m. giggling and laughing, waiting for me to come in to see him. I knew church was going to be rough.

I was right - I had assignments to pass out for an upcoming activity and people to talk to besides the normal socializing that happens at church. I was beat by 11:30 but I still had an hour to go. During the last meeting, I saw my visiting teaching companion who hadn't been at church in a while so I stopped by her to say hi and to find out how she was doing (she is prego by the way! So excited!). After visiting with her, she gave me a hug! I was pretty shocked since we were fairly new at being friends and I didn't know she was the huggy type but it totally choked me up. I went to my seat completely moved and touched by her impromptu kindness.

That's when it really hit me. Those small, seemingly insignificant things, such as a hug, have such a greater impact than we give credit for. Only in our time of need do we realize the influence such kindness has. So why don't we do it more often? I know I get scared and think too much: does she like hugs? He doesn't even know me, why should I smile at him? She seems happy all the time, one visit from me won't make a difference. How we lie and deceive ourselves. Instead of think, we must do. Instead of pause we must accelerate.

I love what President Spencer W. Kimball says:

“God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom. The people of the Church need each other’s strength, support, and leadership in a community of believers as an enclave of disciples. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read about how important it is to ‘… succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.’ (D&C 81:5.) So often, our acts of service consist of simple encouragement or of giving mundane help with mundane tasks, but what glorious consequences can flow from mundane acts and from small but deliberate deeds!”¹⁸

Looking for Friends

2011-01-24T15:36:00.001-07:00

I saw this today while perusing the BYU-Idaho bulletin board:

I had to laugh, then stopped, rebuking myself for being a little unkind. But I wasn't mean, I just found it funny that someone would run a "wanted ad" for friends.

Maybe it's because they aren't the only ones looking for friends. It seems that this has come up a lot lately, at least for me. At church, I've heard more than once the issue of someone not having friends and feeling lonely. Someone even said that the church are fake.

A year or so ago, I found myself in the same situation: newly married, not many friends in the area (since most of my former roommates had graduated and moved) and in a new ward. It took some time, courage and effort. The challenge wasn't new to me, but different since I had to make sure my husband had a male counterpart that wanted to be his friend too, or at least play League of Legends with him.

My saving grace stemmed from a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "The only way to have a friend is to be one." My dad had told me this as a little girl. It's stuck ever since and it seems that someone has to take the initiative, the frightening first step of putting oneself out there for possible criticism or rejection.

Over the years, I have been blessed with some very good friends. Many of them are spread out around the country and some are even found around the world. I know I can rely on all of them if need be and I hope they know they could rely on me as well. I look forward to making new friends. Although I can improve in being a friend, I'm rich in friends and for that I am eternally grateful.

But for those who feel poor in this aspect, here's an email from my all-knowing and intelligent father who sent this to my sisters and me:

How do you make friends?

Some friendships happen naturally. Some occur because you are forced by circumstances to become companions, which evolves into a friendship. But sometimes you just have to make a friend. How do you make a friend? Sometimes it is harder than you would think.

What does it take to make a friend? Well, it takes more than just being available, convenient, or experiencing a shared event. Being in the same dorm room, young woman's class or neighborhood does not, in and of itself, build a friendship. It also takes more than just liking someone and having them like you. Friendships are nurtured-planted, watered, fed, and cared for. Otherwise they die.

The first step in developing a friendship is that you have to rub shoulders with a lot of people. They don't have to share all of your interests or values, but it does help to share a few. But if you keep to yourself and like it that way, or choose not to get out and be with people very often, your opportunity to build a friendship will be dramatically limited. You don't have to be a party animal, but you have to do more than sit around your living room watching TV every night. Get out. Get involved. Have a hobby that enables you to have experiences with like-minded people.
Then get to know people. Listen to them. You don't always have to agree with them but you have to listen to them. For some of us, this is difficult. We want someone to listen to us and care about what we feel emotional about. But the best friends are those who we listen to first because they know how much we care about them. Ask them about their lives, what they feel strongly about. Do not judge them, or even try to advise them at first. Just listen to them. They will appreciate that you care about them.
An important factor that influences true, long lasting friendship is what I call "chemistry". Another way of putting it is that you can't force a friendship. You can wish for it, want it, hope for it, but there frequently is a "spark" between people that makes the relationship feel right. This is not the same as "friendship at first sight". It's a feeling of "connection" that draws people together and then holds on to them.
A common shared experience feeds a friendship. While a girl's camp overnighter in and of itself doesn't make a relationship, it can provide a beginning of years of memories. Service projects, working together, attending the same difficult class--all contribute to strengthening a friendship. A shared experience, such as being in the same YW class, does not necessarily imply that a friendship exists. But it can lead to those shared experiences which enrich a friendship.
Friendships require that you are truthful and even occasionally painfully honest with someone. If you cannot tell someone how you really feel about them or how they have acted, then it really isn't much of a relationship, much less a friendship. Sometimes we are afraid to tell someone something we don't think they want to hear. This inclination must be overcome. When people are close, it is inevitable that things are carelessly said or done which offend. The quality of the relationship is the degree you can discuss an issue and then move beyond it.
Gratitude and appreciation are expressed frequently in true friendships. These efforts strengthen friendships and contribute to enriching the relationship. They make people glad they are with you.
It's tough to have strong friendships if you don't spend much time together. Effort must be made to find, invest, and expend the time to be with others. This doesn't imply consuming every waking moment of someone's time, but orchestrating events to be with someone. This is especially true if work, family and other obligations absorb a great deal of your time away. But if this turns into weeks or even months, a friendship can die. You can like a person still but feel the relationship has grown apart. Regularly schedule activities, such as a shared lunch, occasional movie, or physical workout can rejuvenate a friendship.
A true friend forgives the other for mistakes and offenses that inevitably happen over time. If the relationship is rich, mistakes and offenses can be weathered in spite of the attending hurt and pain. If the relationship is not well developed, friendships are inclined to end when mistakes and offenses occur.

Any relationship that evolves into a friendship generally involves work. One cannot take for granted that time in and of itself makes a friendship. Work includes finding time to nurture the friendship, experiencing shared activities, forgiving your friend for mistakes and offenses, expressing appreciation for their care and concern for you, listening, even when you don't want to, and being honest with them when they need to hear the truth.

For what its worth, these principles are true for missionary companionships, moving into a new area, and, yes, even marriages. Learn to make true friendships now. Much joy and happiness comes because we have true friends.

So if you find yourself wanting to use craigslist or the BYU-Idaho bulletin board to find some friends, just remember my ol' dad's advice. It's never steered me wrong.

The Afterglow of Christmas

2011-01-03T13:28:00.000-07:00

I just finished cleaning the floor in both the bathroom and kitchen. Hands-and-knees style. Santa dropped the ball on a new mop this year (ours broke a few months ago). Oops - forgot. I'm Santa. Guess that tells you where my priorities lie. However, it did feel good to do some physical work, especially after a long and blissful holiday break that involved a lot of chocolate, turkey and sitting on the couch.

Speaking of the holidays - wow. Talk about a different Christmas/New Years. In a previous post I mention ways I would make this holiday extra special since we would be far from family. I was semi-successful. I tried. I really did. But I found my efforts were thwarted due to lack of sleep, fussy baby, etc. etc. And then, when I had the chance to be serviceable, I was rejected or it didn't work out. I swallowed my frustration and waited for the next chance. I think the highlight for me was the Wednesday before Christmas. I desperately wanted to go caroling at a nursing home, a tradition that began with my family when I was young. Naturally, I waited until the day before to call around to the three nursing homes in town and one was available or didn't have a scheduled program. Then I texted everyone who I thought was in town from the ward and two families were able to join ours. One has three kids and the other has two. We were quite the bunch of carolers. I had selected some songs - a mix of spiritual and secular - and printed them out.

The nursing home had three separate buildings. We began at one, per the request of the coordinator to whom I spoke when I set things up. Luckily, a few residents were still around in the living/entertainment area and we started to sing. The look in their eyes was unforgettable. They sang along to "Away in a Manger," "Jolly Old St. Nicholas" and "Silent Night." My voice caught a few times as I watched their faces.

The folks in the second building were more interested in the children, but in the third building, no one was out, so we went from room to room. One of the last people we sang to was a woman who had just moved from Powell, Wyo. I may be wrong, but I doubted that she had family in the area. Or maybe she did. Whatever the case was, I felt that we made her night special. Ruby Reno was her name.

We left that night in the falling snow with warm hearts. We said our "Merry Christmases" and went home.

The next few days we spent as a family and read of the Savior and of His birth. It was a beautiful, simple Christmas. My mind drifted across the country to South Dakota and my wonderful family there, but my heart was also held steady with my husband and little one. I hope your Christmas was just as memorable.

Getting into the holiday spirit

2010-12-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

I want this Christmas to be extra special. Not only because I have a little boy for whom I want to establish traditions, but because I'm at home where I have free reign over what I do (with the exception of said little boy's wants and needs.)

So for the month of December, I am going to do something special each day, mostly in the form of service. I decided I can't just only serve my son and hubby, but others as well. I've compiled a list of things to do: caroling, watching someone's child, baking goodies and taking them to the sisters I visit teach, those sorts of things. Come to think of it, I need to think of more ideas... I'll get to that later.

Also, I'll enhance my focus on the Savior with a more dedicated scripture study and meaningful personal prayer. I admit ... those are the first to fall down in the list of priorities at times. I want this Christmas to really mean something to me. I want to get to know my Savior better.

For how ^aknoweth a man the master whom he has not served, and who is a stranger unto him, and is far from the thoughts and intents of his heart? (Mosiah 5:13)

That's right. So I'll periodically report to you how things are going. I'm excited - a sort of countdown to Christmas Sarah Roberts' style. You're welcome to join me as you celebrate this season in your own way because, after all, it's His time of year.

homesick

2010-05-27T12:26:00.002-06:00

140 days, give or take. That's how long it's been since I walked through the front door of my house in South Dakota, since I've eaten my mom's food, since I saw my sister Katie, since I looked into my dad's eyes and gave him a squeeze.

I've served a church mission - a long 18-month hiatus from normal life away from the family. I've gone to college two states away with only the semester breaks to hold me over 'till summer came. You would think I would be used to this. In fact, I didn't mind being away from home so much.

Somehow, mere phone calls just aren't satisfying enough. It's like that final dribble of water from your canteen as you're dragging your body through a desert. However, I'm not really in a desert. I live in a thriving ecosystem maintained by my supportive husband and friends where I hardly ever run out of water.

Mainly, I'm just being selfish. If I planned a trip home, Jed wouldn't be able to go because of work. I would most likely have friends and family throwing a baby shower for me and Grape and I would have all the time in the world with my family and friends.

Two past attempts to make it home have been thwarted - this makes me think that for some reason, I shouldn't go. Then this comes spewing out just like a three-year-old's temper tantrum, "But I wannnnna gooooo!" *banging fists on floor*. What is one to do? Suck it up?

I'm giving it one more attempt. I have two months, more or less. This one looks promising. But for fear of jinxing the whole thing, "Mum" is the word.

Three years ago

2010-04-22T20:15:00.001-06:00

My MTC group a few days before we left to our various areas.

April 22 was the day I came home from my mission. The day I had dreaded for a good majority of the time I was in Ecuador. I won't lie and say I felt that way every single day, but I didn't want that day to come, no matter how exhausted I was physically and emotionally.

Quito - Sis. Viana beat me to the egg we both found.

I had some great experiences. I remember sloshing through pouring rain, feet and everything else getting soaked. I remember crying and pouring out my heart in prayer for the people I met and those I didn't know yet. I remember picking and shelling beans for service - along with mixing concrete and hauling rocks to build houses. I remember feeling so, so good as people I loved were baptized. Those are things I hope I never forget.

The sisters at a zone conference.

Of course I had some hard times. My very first area - Tena - was a struggling branch. My companion was Ecuadorian and we didn't always understand each other or get along. I became sick and lost a bunch of weight. My second companion was just as challenging (she was from Guatemala) and wasn't always a keeper of the rules. A transfer to my second area - Otavalo - was hard. I loved the area, but my companion and I were in charge of two wards and branch.

My companion and I taught Richard who was baptized as well. We had to get him and Gaby married first. That was a challenge. The law of chastity was definitely foreign to them.

My third area - Ambato - was the best for me, but I was only there one transfer. I got sick again. My fourth area - Santo Domingo - was one of the toughest times. My companion, from Nicaragua, spoke English. Therefore, my Spanish really went downhill. We didn't have a single baptism and our investigators showed progression, but it was a long way to baptism. My final area - Quito - was a perfect cap - I can't remember hardly any challenges.

An example of some cute Ecuadoriam children. The woman in the middle suffers from a disease that makes her bed-ridden. Very powerful, wonderful woman.

So before I bore you too much - here's to missions and missionaries and missionary work. I am who I am because of that special, wonderful time.

This wonderful family on the left - the Marcillos - were sealed Aug. 10, 2007, in the Guayaquil, Ecuador Temple. My companion Sis. Ellison and I taught this family and they were finally baptized. Here, we're standing with the Bishop's family who are also wonderful people!

Happy stuff!

2010-03-30T19:25:00.000-06:00

So many good things have happened. I hope I can remember them all!!

#1 - I made a roast a week ago (about 3 lbs) and we just finished the remnants yesterday! We made different meals from the meat so we didn't get bored: just plain with mashed potatoes and gravy, french dip sandwiches, BBQ beef sandwiches, and last night, the grand finale was beef burritos. So good!! I was pretty pleased with myself and my creativity.

#2 - I was shopping at Wal-Mart when I saw some two very good friends of mine that I hadn't seen in a while: Mel and Mark Anderson!! Those two are hilarious - we spent a good 20 minutes ~~stalking~~ observing children being disobedient to their parents. It was for an assignment Mark had to do. But even still, anything those two do can put you in a conniption fit from laughing too hard. Gosh, I miss them.

#3 - After running into Mel, she invited Jed and I to go to a movie with her and a friend - "How to Train Your Dragon." It was such a good movie!! The story was unique and the characters funny and unforgettable. Jed and I had been wanting to watch it ever since we saw the trailer - and we were NOT disappointed!

#4 - Jed and I attended the baptism of a guy in our ward and it brought back so many memories of the mission! So neat to see how humble and dedicated he was to continue in the right path, even after 4 years. He has a very strong testimony already.

#5 - I love garage sales and went to one on Saturday - I came away with 70 pieces of boy clothes for $4!! I was pretty excited. There were some pretty cute outfits I picked up. Yay for good deals!

#6 - My family sent us our Easter package filled with chocolates, jelly beans and fake grass. Also included were Easter cookie cutters, Easter-themed cupcake holders and sprinkles! And get this - the basket was in the shape of a football and the plastic eggs were in the shape of footballs, soccer balls, basketballs and baseballs.

#7 - My little grape keeps growing and kicking and pushing and moving. It's been great!

I love my job

2010-02-16T20:05:00.003-07:00

Can I just say that being a newspaper reporter has lots of perks? One day can be so completely different from the rest - some boring, some quite interesting. Well, I happened to be working on a story about a Rigby man who has developed an ambidextrous gun. In any gun, the shell is expelled out the right side. If you are right handed, that doesn't bother you. But for a leftie - that could be kind of dangerous. A shell could come up and hit you in the face and it's pretty warm too from the friction. There are other guns that are just for left handed shooters, but in some situations, that may not be available. But this particular rifle, (an AR-15), both right and left handed shooters can use it. The way that happens is that a setting is changed, depending on the dominate hand of the shooter. Then the shell is expelled opposite of the sight of the shooter. Apparently, it's a pretty big deal in the gun world.

So these two guys who talked to me all about it invited me to come shooting with them. Now how could I pass up an opportunity like that? I had to take Emily along because she's never gone shooting.

Don't laugh at the pictures - I didn't know I was holding the clip, and the guys never said anything to me.

This is a different gun from the ambidextrous rifle and it is so much heavier. Amazingly, I managed to hit a target about 100 yards away or so. Either the guys there were really nice or they were completely honest. They said that both Em and I could be really good shooters if we practiced more.

So yes, it's a pretty good story.

On another work-related note, I got the best compliment today. Right at 5 p.m. - I'm all packed up and ready to go home - someone calls the office for a Sarah "Beu" (my maiden name). The secretary was confused but assured the caller that a Sarah worked there. I got on the line completely baffled to the Michael LaFord on the phone. Things soon cleared up when he said he was Mikel LeFort - the editor at the daily that I interned at two summers ago! We chit chatted about my life - getting married, graduating, having a baby. He actually called to find out if I would be interested in working with this other editor on a weekly in South Dakota - but he already figured I was settled where I was at. He was glad to hear I was still in journalism, but sad to hear I would be leaving it so soon. But they sure remembered me and wanted to track me down to see if I would be interested in taking on the job. Woo hoo!

That brings me to another thought. When I first found out I was prego, I thought I could handle working and taking care of the baby. My husband quickly pointed out some important things that I needed to remember. It was a hard realization for me that I would have to leave this job that I enjoyed so much and had studied for so long. But I now accept that this is totally the Lord's plan for me. It's really a small sacrifice compared to the rewards I get for being a full-time mother.

Check out our family blog for an update!

Two hours? Riiiiight.

2010-01-12T19:43:00.004-07:00

Soon after Jed and I got married, I went on a shopping rampage and bought tons of things. In my frenzy, I bought things that I couldn't necessarily work with at the moment. One of them were instructions to make an apron and fabric - it was so cute!! Only problem was that I didn't have a sewing machine. However, I anticipated that such a necessity would soon make its appearance in our home.

Christmas comes, and Santa made that dream come true. 'Course Santa had to make sure I was actually going to put it to use. Luckily, Jed convinced him. Santa had wondered because in the past, I had shown an aversion to anything sewing. Needless to say, I had a change of heart.

Well, skipping much of the details and frustrations, I completed this "2-hour apron" in 3 days or so. And trust me when I say it doesn't look all that great. If you saw it in person, you could tell a complete amateur did it. But I was very proud of myself. And I have resolved to improve, especially my stitching. Only time will tell.

Since you can't tell very well, the snowflake like images are actually forks and spoons spread out. I really fell in love with the simple design of the fabric.

Socks

2009-12-21T20:02:00.003-07:00

So I told my sister a while back that all I really wanted for Christmas was socks. And you know what? She got two pair for me!!

When I put the ones on with snowmen, I felt like Dumbledore when Harry asked him what he saw in the Mirror of Erised: A nice pair of thick, wool socks. One cannot have too many, I think is the quote.

Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying them and I hope for more in the future!

Oh, by the way, check out Jed's and my blog on what happened for Thanksgiving!

Thankful

2009-11-12T21:16:00.002-07:00

For some reason today, I just couldn't stop being so grateful. But this feeling was for something in particular. As I was driving to work this morning, I got to thinking how grateful I was for my ability and talent to write.

Now, of course I would be grateful for that; otherwise, I wouldn't have a job. But really, if you consider my history (the little there is), then you would understand.

Let's go back about 15 years. That would put me in fifth grade, my favorite year. My teacher, Mr. Warner, was the best. He made me fall in love with every subject, including science, and he just brought out the best in me. Well, in our creative writing unit, I wrote a short story called, "The Attack of the Killer Spaghetti." I know, I know, you're thinking "child prodigy" or "future Pulitzer prize winner." Well, that is how Mr. Warner made me feel. He loved this little piece of writing and encouraged me to write more. That was all I need to put my little gears a-turnin' into thinking about a future in writing.

I continued writing short pieces, mostly ideas that would pop into my head, but once I hit high school, the drive and the excitement just puttered and came to a stop. I joined the yearbook staff my sophomore year and wrote that first year and then something happened. I found a passion in photography. I became the assistant photo editor and shot up the whole school and loved it. I knew then I had found my true vocation. I loved processing the film, catching certain facial expressions, capturing the slide into home plate. I realized I was improving and my eye for photography expanded.

When applying for college, I looked at other avenues to help the financial burden I was undertaking. I saw an opportunity to get a scholarship working for the campus paper. I sent in photographs and, because they asked for it, writing samples.

Much to my surprise, I was giving a very nice scholarship to be assistant news editor, a reporting position. I was so disappointed. I complained: I'm not a writer! I felt they were all wrong in their decision. It was so hard for me to pen my thoughts. How was I going to contribute?

I worked on the Scroll my first year. And because of the money, I was there my second year. I served a mission but when I came back, I had a guaranteed editor's position. I still struggled with writing. I didn't loathe it, but it definitely wasn't my friend. Luckily, as an editor, I worked more with writers on their stories and did page layout more than I wrote, but the occasion still called for it. I realized I was pretty good with technical writing, grammar and all that, but creativity still eluded me. But I trudged through it for 4 1/2 years. However, things changed when I did an internship that was mostly reporting. I was surprised to find I enjoyed the writing aspect more than the page layout.

Four months after graduation, I did the only thing I could do: send my resume to a newspaper. What else was I going to do? After some time, I get a call from a lady who works for a weekly paper in Rigby. She offered me a freelancing job reporting a couple of times a week. I was bummed I didn't get a full-time reporting job as I hoped (I shared that with you last time). I've expressed my struggles already on that subject, but I enjoyed it, especially meeting new people.

Now, with my current full time job of reporting and page layout, I am in love. I have written four stories in two days. There was a time when that was impossible for me. I can see now that I have a sense of reporting and I know the questions to ask. I can recognize the important things and I can play on the interesting and unique. Words come much quicker to me. That does not mean that I am in any means an expert. I have a long ways to go to perfect this art. But the object of this post was gratitude. I am so thankful that I have worked to hone this ability and talent of mine. And of course this comes from God. Without Him, I am nothing. But I look at how far I was 6 years ago and where I am now, I have come a long ways.

And this is just one of the things that fills my soul with joy.

New Job!

2009-11-05T21:50:00.003-07:00

Okay at the request of a certain friend (Jen!), I really should blog about my new job. So I realize that I've gone through 3 jobs this year - crazy changes that I really didn't want to happen but couldn't really prevent.

As most of you know, I was working part time with RFinity, the start-up technology company where Jed works and I was also writing freelance for a weekly paper in Rigby, The Jefferson Star. Well, things were getting really crazy. I was struggling to find the motivation to report for the Star after getting home from work. When I get home, I'm done. Knowing that I wasn't contributing 100 percent to the newspaper, I had decided to quit and focus on my cushy secretary job that paid me well. Working for the newspaper seemed to be nothing but a hassle that paid poorly so I thought, why bother?

Just as I was getting ready to call my manager at the paper, she calls me and asks me to come in. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to tell her my plans, especially since I thought she might have some complaints about me (don't ask me why I thought that). So I met with her the next day and she told me that the girl working in the office now was probably going to work for the daily in Idaho Falls, the Post Register (which owns the Jefferson Star). She said if that happened, she wanted me to take her position. That hit me like a train. Seriously?, I thought. What happened to the complaining I was expecting? Certainly not this! She goes on to tell me how she's been impressed with me and how I've really stepped up to the plate, blah blah blah. We talk about a few of the logistics about working part time, what that would mean for my RFinity job, how much I'd be paid, etc. I told her I would need a few days to talk about it with Jed and think it over.

To be honest, I was concerned. Leaving my nice $14-an-hour job where I do maybe an hour's worth of work every day would be a little difficult. I liked having my afternoons to do whatever I needed/wanted to do. Going full time with this job would be more stressful at work and at home with less time to do housework and other things. Plus I'd be taking a small pay cut, but I would be making more moving to full-time status. I thought of how much better this would look to a future employer (if the need came) and how much experience I would be getting.

Considering all this and praying and talking about it with Jed and my parents, I decided to take it. Trust me, I have only been working for a few days, but I love it! I've done so many different things, but the biggest thing I love is being a part of the team, being involved in the process of putting the paper together, of the camaraderie in the office with the other two women and one man! I've written a few stories about veterans and school children memorializing relatives who are veterans and I've answered the phones and I've written up briefs and I've helped the secretary. My job has no title and I do a little of everything, which is great. Plus, my manager and the secretary love me - yay for good work ethic!

Basically, what it comes down to is timing. I originally interviewed for this position (granted, it was for a full-time reporter when that happened), and I didn't get it. I was pretty bummed and so I endured the freelancing which was kind of challenging. Now, a few months later, I got the job without too much effort (besides the enduring the freelancing) and I'm enjoying it! I really hope that I can maintain this level of enthusiasm and that I can keep impressing the manager. But mostly, I'm grateful to my Heavenly Father for teaching me to be patient and for the blessings of that patience.

Two negatives equal ...?

2009-10-12T19:46:00.008-06:00

So... busy ... blah blah ... so much work ... blah blah, etc.

Okay I got my excuses out of the way.

I've missed the writing. Well, I've been writing for The Jefferson Star, but not posting on here and that's been depressing. I realize I don't want to post anything when I'm feeling negative so this doesn't turn into ranting. Really - who wants to hear about all the negative things that happen during the week? That would just make you, the audience, sad. So with that said, let me proceed.

All the negative first. Here's a list of things that I can complain about:

The starter had to be replaced in our little '89 Honda.
Our ghetto dryer decided it didn't want to work.
My old roommate found out she was pregnant, but then miscarried shortly after finding out.
Some good friends of ours are getting a divorce.
The newspaper and my boss are plotting against me, determined to drive me insane as quickly as possible.
My church responsibilities grew like 10 times.
Some of my medication was causing me other negative health issues.
Jed was taken off a project he's been working on for a few weeks, maybe months, because of some jerk employee that doesn't know how to work well with others.

Feeling bad for us now? I thought so.

Lest you think that I want people to feel sorry for us, think again. Jed and I have had some interesting things happen to us within a short period of time, but I wouldn't trade it. Just when I thought I couldn't stretch anymore, I became saltwater taffy (except just not as tasty). When I reached the top, the ceiling moved a few feet more. This extra growth came not from me, but from a greater source. I drew on my faith in God. It may sound trite and simple, but I had to dig inside to find that faith. I prayed with greater intensity. I studied the scriptures with more dedication. My love for Jed and others became deeper. My best was made better. How? I'm not sure and don't think I will ever know. But I'm so grateful to a loving God who saw me in a position to grow and had confidence in me to do it, knowing I would rely on Him.

So looking at that list takes on a different meaning. They weren't negative at all. Merely opportunities. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back or hope that you think I'm cool. I am analyzing the growth I've experienced and hope that I can remember this for the next time.

Now how about a list of blessings?

We have a beautiful apartment!

This was before we officially moved in - now it has way too much stuff (more evidence of our blessings and generous friends and family)

My husband is worthy of the priesthood to give me a blessing.
I have wonderful, supportive family

Jed and I both have jobs.

We both have testimonies of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

Artist: Greg Olsen. Photo courtesy siennasmommy.blogspot.com.

We are blessed in many other ways, and since I don't want to make you jealous, I'll forbear. But when things start to pile up for you, take a look at all the "negatives" and see how really blessed you are and if those negatives can't be changed into a positive.

Gift Giving

2009-09-25T16:10:00.002-06:00

Now that I'm comfortably settled in my green bean bag chair after eating a quick lunch, my swirling thoughts are dying to by thrown on a post and published for all to see.

I commute from Rexburg to Idaho Falls every day for my part-time job at RFinity (look them up; they're cool!) and so I have 25-30 minutes of listening time. Usually it will be music from Les Miserables or classical music, but lately, I've been listening to something different. One of Jed's cds has a bunch of devotional speeches given at BYU over the years - like waaaaay over the years. Today, I listened to one by Pres. Henry B. Eyring on gift giving. Whether it's Christmas or a birthday, I'm a terrible gift giver. I end up not giving anything to the intended receiver. It's one of my goals to change. Here's what Pres. Eyring said about it:

I've always dreamed of being a great gift giver. I picture people opening my gifts and showing with tears of joy and a smile that the giving, not just the gift, has touched their hearts. You must have that daydream, too.

I know I do. I want to know that the effort that I put into buying or making something will have lasting results. But Pres. Eyring shared a theory he has discovered within expert gift givers that involves three parts:

(1) They felt what you felt and were touched, (2) they gave freely, and (3) they counted sacrifice a bargain.

Here's where you can download the full text of his speech. It was all excellent.

What happened to me, though, by the end of his speech was a change of heart. It caused me to think of gifts that I've been given and how I've received them. I've been given a lot of gifts over the years - many came in the form of time and service to me and my family. I have not always received the gifts as I should have. I think the same thing happens with gifts from God. I don't want to treat lightly anything that comes from heaven.

Now as far as gift giving, my perspective has been modified. According to Pres. Eyring (and many other sources), gifts come in various shapes and sizes, the most meaningful aren't tangible. He mentioned a few gifts through preparations now. For example, I thought of the gifts that I will be giving my future children: a knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ through my experiences learned on my mission and other times of trial and error; a testimony sure and steady borne through challenges with others and through a constant study of the scriptures; an open mind to new views through international experiences in South America; a love of learning and ready from many hours spent curled up with a good book; a love of music passed on to me from my mother and through patience of learning the piano. These gifts will come to fruition at different times and in different circumstances, but I'm confident that I am well-prepared to give those gifts. However, there are other gifts that I know I will be in short supply. I'm not sure of what those are yet, so I've got to be extra diligent in recognizing things that I'm not so great in. Math, for example. One day, my kid is going to come to me with a problem that deals with two trains leaving at the same time heading in the same direction, but at different speeds and I'm not going to know if Pi has anything to do with it, or imaginary numbers. I'll just tell him or her, "Go ask your dad."

So to you, dear readers, what gifts are you giving or what gifts do you wish you could give, based on the talk?

Thinking more than acting

2009-09-15T22:01:00.007-06:00

Hello faithful readers!!

I've missed writing so consistently. I think I needed a break from being responsible for something. Especially since the honeymoon last week, my creative juices have taken a break as well. Although, I did have fun with the camera and used my creative eye more than I have in a while. The beautiful creations in nature have this way of calling to us mortals. This happened to me with these flowers at Lake Tahoe...

... and this goose on the shoreline...

...and our feet in the coarse sand (this is my personal favorite)...

...and even man-made things colorful enough to grab the attention like these flags in San Francisco...

...and man-made nature things like this pond in a park in Reno, NV.

But these images are just a few of millions I've filed away for memories. What a blessing to see these things through my eyes. For other pictures, go to the other blog.

As we returned back to reality, my creativity has taken a blow. Even before vacation, I struggled with my articles I was writing for the newspaper in Rigby. They lacked ... something. It wasn't the subject matter, but the content was boring! Each week as I read an article of mine that had been published, I just shook my head and thought, Blech! And I have a degree in this?

It has been disheartening, but also somewhat of a motivation for me to improve. How is the question. How can I improve my writing? How can I garner more passion for this supposed hobby, skill, profession of mine? What am I missing?

I'm going to get to the bottom of this before I quit this freelance job. That's my promise to you, dear readers, and you had all better hold me to it. I sure do need some cheerleaders in my corner.

The end of freedom

2009-08-12T10:16:00.005-06:00

I thought I would post something quick before time gets away with me.

Let me share with you some of the past, present and the future.

Past: Yesterday, I barely cut my hair into a style a little different than normal. I went for the swoop/side bang effect. Sorry, the picture won't load. I'm liking it so far. Jed isn't such a big fan, but oh well.

Present: I'm a partially working woman. I have been working for a weekly paper in Rigby, Idaho called The Jefferson Star (sorry, no web address) as a freelancer. I've had some wonderful experiences so far and I very much enjoy working on my own schedule. I just wish I knew Jefferson County (the area I cover) a little better.

Future: Tomorrow is my first day as a secretary/admin at Jed's work, RFinity. You can view their Web site here. It's quite exciting, actually, and I'm looking forward to being a part of the company. The pay isn't too bad either and the fact that it's only 20 hours a week is pretty nice too. I'm contracted until January.

New blog

2009-07-10T15:09:00.000-06:00

Hey - I've started a family blog now - I'll still keep up this blog with my own musings and thoughts, but follow this link to see "What Jed and I have been up to"!

On another note, I made my first new recipe. This is how it was supposed to look:

Big, beautiful, perfect.

image from:
http://mykitchencafe.blogspot.com/2009/06/cheesy-ham-and-broccoli-crescent-braid.html
The recipe can be found there too.

It actually turned out like this:

And here cooked:

Not quite the same, and it was a bit salty. But I still felt pretty exultant at trying something I've never done before!

This is not my exultant face, it's my "It's not quite the same" face. Sans makeup. That's what happens when you stay home all day ...

Temples and moths

2009-07-09T11:33:00.000-06:00

One would think that a temple really wouldn't need cleaning due to the meticulous way people behave in the temple. Nonetheless, the temple is wiped spotless (or near spotless) every day.

Jed and I began our weekly janitorial volunteering last night and it was so neat! First off, we had no idea that we would be in charge of a ward assigned for cleaning that night. Not having cleaned the temple before and not arriving early enough for an orientation, Jed and I were given a list of things to do and three volunteers. On the 2nd level of the temple, we set to work and gave jobs to our three hardy workers who were twice our age. They vacuumed, I cleaned the bathrooms and Jed wiped the woodworking.

During my brief stay in the bathrooms spraying all sorts of good smelling cleaners, I felt so privileged to be an "invisible" help for people who come to worship in God's house. I thought if I had come to the temple and saw some dust or maybe a streaky mirror, that just might distract me enough from my feelings. I realized my important role in eliminating possible distractions for others.

I moved on after the bathrooms and started on wiping the staircase banisters. Along the stairs are some windows and I attempted to dust those ledges, but for some, my duster (and arms) were too short. I noticed a dead moth on one of them and tried in vain to remove it. I gave up after a while, making a mental note to get someone with longer arms to take care of that. Unfortunately, the time to clean had ended and I had forgotten about the moth. I cringe now with the thought that I left something undone and hope that someone else found it and has removed it. It made me think again about "moths" that we don't take care of, whether for ourself or someone else.

What to do?

2009-07-08T15:17:00.000-06:00

So I've been married nearly two weeks and I've fallen into my role as a hardworking housewife. Fallen or maybe even tripped, but I'm in it, nonetheless. However, I was surprised at the challenge that was now in front of me. What do I do now? Should I look for work? What hobby(ies) should I pursue? These questions have been swirling in my mind.

In the employment sector, I got a surprise call from the company that owns the Idaho Falls Post Register and a couple of area weekly papers. The lady who called me gave me a phone interview right then and there. The position is for a general assignment reporter which would work between the Shelley and Rigby weekly papers reporting on various assignments and then working once a week for the Post Register. Being unprepared, I was nervous during the interview, but gained confidence as the interview went on. I was pretty excited about the idea of working for a newspaper again. I need to keep up my skills.

Other ideas for hobbies that I've had include scrapbooking, sewing and gardening. I've got a basic start on supplies for scrapbooking, and would be most interested in that. As for sewing, I don't have a machine nor do I have a clue what I would be doing! I would need to start out pretty basic for that. Gardening would be a fun outside hobby, and thanks to my roommates, I've started with a tomato plant. Unfortunately, I've not been very diligent with trying to keep it alive. I would be surprised if it produced any tomatoes.

So now I petition all my loyal followers: anyone have any ideas for me on what I should do to fill my time? How have you handled free time in the past?

Life in the married lane

2009-06-29T21:27:00.000-06:00

So here it comes: the post on life after the wedding. What can I say? It was just beautiful. I was so blessed to have so many friends and family there supporting Jed and me.

Friday night, I had my "bachelorette's party," which really was a get together with some pretty fun girlfriends, including my sisters, mother, mother- and sister-in-law. We played silly games and swapped stories about Jed and me.

As we neared the end of the night, Beatriz, Jed's convert who came from New Jersey for the wedding, shared with us a touching story. I asked her why she like Jed so much. She told us how Jed gave her a blessing, helping her through a rough time right before her baptism. She said she gained a testimony of the priesthood because of Jed and his humility. I loved it.

The actual wedding day was wonderful. Of course I felt the normal nervousness and worries that most brides-to-be feel, but I knew my decision was right and that it was the right place at the right time and with the right person. I was so very happy.

Now, real life begins. The engagement was such a pause on real life, and now, we have to hit the ground running. Jed and I have been through so many challenges together already. It's nice to know that we can handle challenges together and with God. Now, I feel complete. I am no longer one person, but part of a whole, and it feels wonderful. This is how God intended for it to be.

Hung up

2009-05-15T15:08:00.000-06:00

It seems like it's an answer for some people who just don't have enough respect for you to give you a straight "Yes," or "No thanks." They just hang up.

Let me explain my job a little bit. I work for Vector Marketing, which is a company that hires anyone over the age of 18 to sell kitchen knives. Note, this is a scary prospect when we try to target people who barely received their high school diploma. And another note, these knives are sharp. I would know and you can see the proof from the nicks on my hands. So when people call me, they are looking for a job.

Working at my new job as a receptionist has opened my eyes to how the "little people" are handled. I know in job searching that you treat the gatekeepers like gold. Receptionists are gatekeepers as well. Treat me like gold, will ya? It's also interesting how people will demand information, thinking that you purposefully denied them such details in the first place. And when they ask you stupid questions, an equally stupid response is justified, right? Well, I hope so. Okay, okay, I know that despite what the other person on the line without a fully functional brain is asking but I end up holding out until they ask the question they should have asked in the first place. Please people! Think things through first!!

Another interesting thought I've had is that maybe I may rush through my script as if I've read it a million times (which I have) and I mumble through some basic stuff, people either don't listen or don't hear me. Whichever it is, it's annoying. Okay, that's partly my fault, yes I admit. But when I think it's been explained and they still ask me what the company does I just want to scream into the receiver, "PEOPLE! IF ONLY YOU WOULD LISTEN TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE INSTEAD OF PUTTING 'SELECTIVE HEARING' IN GEAR, I WOULDN'T WASTE MORE OF MY BREATH ON THIS STUPID PHONE CALL!"

Okay, yes, I'm going on in a bit of a rant. But I desperately beg people to think twice before opening their mouth on the phone about how they might sound to the poor, emotionally exhausted receptionist on the other end.

For those of you reading this, please take this post in all the humor that I could possibly put in (even though I really do mean this stuff).

This is just a small description of my new "after graduation" job. Yay for having a bachelor's degree!

Jon Schmidt is my hero

2009-04-25T08:16:00.001-06:00

I heard this amazing song and I couldn't help but be so inspired by it. Plus, the video is put together with bits of "Jon Schmidt flair."

The beginning of something new

2009-04-16T07:59:00.000-06:00

Several have asked that I share the story of how I am engaged to be married. Really, it starts with an act of desperation, which has lead to something marvelous and wonderful.

In October 2008, I was planning a group date for a friend of mine and my sister and I. The idea was to hook up our friend, Laura with someone who we thought would be good for her. Well, they agreed to go out, Emily had her date and I finally asked out the guy. Saturday rolled around and Emily and I took a trip to Idaho Falls for some grocery shopping. I thought it would be smart to call my date and let him know what we were doing (I really should have done it sooner, but I was procrastinating). I called him and told him I would pick him up around 6:30. He told me that when I asked him out initially I said something about a corn maze and he thought that would be during the day, so he made plans for the evening. I couldn't believe it! It was about 4 p.m. and I had three hours to find a replacement date. I started going through my phone thinking of people to call to ask out.

The next couple of hours were crazy. I asked every guy in Greenbrier who could be found and all of them had plans!! I looked through my phone again with more desperation. Chanae Wilson's name stood out to me and I called her. Amazingly, she knew someone who I could go with and was with him at that very minute. She talked to him with me on the phone and then told me that he was fine with going with me. I thanked her profusely and then she put Jed Roberts on the phone. We finalized the plans, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Fast forward to December. Jed had already gone home with me to meet my family (Thanksgiving). It was my turn. I purchased a plane ticket and flew to Boise, Idaho. His family lives in the suburb of Caldwell. It was so fun! As we met each other's families, we became more and more convinced that a permanent relationship was in the future for us.

At the end of the Christmas break, I prepared to leave the country. See my blog thoroughlymodernchile.blogspot.com for more information on my travels. It was a sad departure from Jed, but the plans had been made long before he came into the picture. I couldn't turn my back on them, so we would just have to endure.

And endure we did. We chatted through gmail video chat and Skype. We were very grateful for technology. The three months came to their end and we were once again reunited. I knew that I had a ring waiting to be placed on my finger so I was wondering how he was going to propose.

On a date that he suggested (hiding Easter eggs), he gave me the "prize egg" and asked me to marry him. I said yes without much hesitation. I prepared myself for that answer. I knew I wanted to be sure when he asked me. I know that he is the man that I want to be my husband. He has a strong testimony, honors his priesthood and honors me. He loves the Lord. He treats me like a queen and I couldn't ask for someone better. I have been highly favored of the Lord with him.

The date of the wedding is June 27, 2009, in Rexburg, Idaho, where we met. We're planning on a reception in Weiser, Idaho (where he grew up), on July 11. Rapid City's reception is July 25.

Finding Easter eggs! I was pretty clever hiding mine up in a tree and in other obscure places.

The ring - sorry for the blurriness. The wedding band will weave through underneath the diamond. I love it!

Choosing to Love

2009-02-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know Valentine's Day has passed, but I read this article on Meridian Magazine and was impressed. The article was about choosing to love someone instead of haphazardly falling in love with someone thinking that it's out of our control. It was funny because I had talked about this previously with a friend of mine. He had proposed to his girlfriend and was telling me the story about how they met and how he felt about her. He said that when they started dating, he was going to choose to love her. I was thinking about my relationship with my boyfriend and was confused about my feelings. My friend said to me that love includes using our agency. It's something we control. I was moved by that thought.

As the article states, Hollywood likes to teach romantic notions that aren't real and makes it seem like there should be some sort of magical spark and if there isn't, then it won't work. I was watching "Sleepless in Seattle" a few months ago and wondered if Jed and I had that spark. After talking with my mom, she put away that notion. Maybe the initial spark is the mutual attraction, but the rest it up to me and my deliberate actions of choosing to love him.

I also thought about others who are around me and loving them (of course I'm not talking about just romantic love), but choosing to love them as well. I think it's difficult to make that decision. I have been lazy in the past with my relationships, especially with people who are difficult to love. I seem to think that maybe tender feelings might just come automatically and that I wouldn't have to give much of an effort. Wrong! I've seen that it's hard work. I wish that I could put more of an effort with each person I know. I have been so blessed by everyone that I know. If we can all work harder and cultivate a good relationship with everyone that we can, I think the world would be a much better place.

25 Random Things About Me

2009-02-03T04:38:00.000-07:00

So in case you ever wondered, here are some fun facts about Sarah Beu! I spent three days doing this so you better read them! Just kidding.

Random things about me:

1. I'm addicted to Dave Barry columns. Whenever I'm bored and I'm sitting at a computer, Dave always pops into my head. He is my hero, and I wish I could write like him.

2. When I was younger and my chore was to wash the dishes, I would play "house" with the silverware. I gave them names and jobs. They liked to swim a lot.

3. I hum while I eat. Just ask my family how fun that is at the dinner table. Or my roommates.

4. I love photography. In high school, I was the photo editor of the yearbook my junior year and then editor in chief, but I was still over the photos. I loved learning how to develop photos in a darkroom surrounded by the smells of the chemicals. I thought I would pursue a career in photography, but when I applied for a position on the Scroll, they gave me a writing position and I have never gone back to photography. It's kind of sad. I think I really had a talent for it, but now it's gone unless I work on it.

5. I really like the humidity and I hate dry heat. I think the only reason why I like humidity is because it makes for really great thunderstorms and even tornadoes.

6. In continuation to number 5, I learned from my mother how important the Weather Channel is. When I was growing up, it was our TV's screen saver and we loved it. Whenever there were dark clouds rolling in, we would run to the TV to see what the weather people had to say. Of course they were always showing something going on in East Coast or some big city so we would always make comments about how they liked the bigger cities better than Nebraska. I now frequently check the weather channel on the Internet whenever a storm is threatening.

7. I love smaller towns. I was raised in a town of 55,000 (not too small) in Montana and I loved the size. It was perfect. Then we moved to a town even smaller (7,000), and I liked some aspects of living there but I really enjoy Rapid City, which has a nice size of 65K. I really couldn't live in a metro area.

8. I find myself frequently wanting to express myself in Spanish. Usually it's a word or phrase, but then I lament the fact that the person I'm talking to wouldn't understand me. English sometimes just doesn't cut it.

9. Ever since I was a young girl, I have been drawn to books and movies about World War II and the Holocaust. My fascination started with Anne Frank's diary.

10. Despite being a huge fan of BYU football, I've only been to one of their games. It was against Wyoming in 2004 and we won! But I love college football in general. I really get into the game no matter who's playing.

11. I am a terrible gift giver. I think it's partly my dad's fault because he always encourages gifts of time (especially with gifts for him). But I always have good intentions, but I'll mostly end up giving a gift card.

12. My favorite meal to make is chile.

13. I've been to Europe once and I had so many adventures! I was only 8, but I fell down about 20 stone stairs on a dyke (a canal), a little boy flipped me off on my first day in the community park, I had two boys "fall in love" with me, plus all the normal adventures one has while traversing a new country.

14. One of the jobs I wanted to have when I was younger was a professional baseball player.

15. #14 changed when I saw my potential as a writer in 5th grade. I wrote a short story called "Attack of the Killer Spaghetti." My teacher raved about it, giving me sufficient confidence to want to pursue that career.

16. I've had glasses since the 8th grade and I hate the inconvenience.

17. 5th grade was my favorite year. I was the spelling bee champ, chess champ, capitals and states champ. I also loved my teacher, Mr. Warner, because he introduced me to Bill Nye, the science guy, and to squid dissection. But I also got in trouble a lot for reading books during class when the teacher was talking.

18. I enjoy aerobics, thanks to a couple of missionary companions ;)

19. I just love playing games. My favorite games of all time are Scrabble, Catch Phrase and Trivial Pursuit. I also enjoy card games such as peanuts and egyptian rat screw (or whatever you want to call it).

20. I enjoy fast pitch softball which I played all throughout high school and three semesters worth in college.

21. When I was a sophomore in college, I wanted to be a brunette so I dyed my hair super dark. That lasted for a couple of years, I think before I brought it back to my natural dirty blonde color. I like being the only blonde in my family!

22. I enjoy doing french braids in girls' hair. I felt so proud of myself when I finally learned how to do it on my Barbie!

23. I am enjoying planning my wedding from over 4,000 miles away.

24. I've been playing the piano since I was 5 years old and my favorite songs to play are Pachebel's Canon in D and I Saw Three Ships (Jon Schmidt version).

25. My sisters and I love to wrestle, thanks to our dad who would wrestle with us every Saturday morning when we were younger.

More positive light for the church

2009-01-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

I love articles like these (except their views of the church from the outside in is a little strange). A journalist from South Africa traveled to Salt Lake and got a peek of one of the coolest parts of the church.

Before I went to Chile, I was in Salt Lake for a week of training for my duties in teaching the Career Workshop. On our last day, they took us on a tour of Welfare Square and the Humanitarian Aid Center. What an experience. I never realized exactly how and what the church did and still continues to do for those in need not only here in the U.S., but also in other countries, not only for members, but those not of our faith.

After our tour of everything (there's too much to tell; you'll just have to go yourself if you haven't been), I was injected with such a fuel to contribute. Not only through the tithes and offerings, but through my service in centers such as those in Salt Lake. Granted, not all of them are as big, but I can still add my little part of the work in Relief Society or whatever it is.

Workers go home early from work to have babies. What?

2009-01-26T05:27:00.000-07:00

I wish they would do that here: go home early so you can make the population grow.

I found this story on CNN.com and thought it really weird. Japan is encouraging their people to have more babies because the birthrate is too low to support Japan's population. Crazy weird! I find it sad as well that the Japanese people have such a work ethic that they can't even find time to have children! Plus the cost of living is so darn high that they feel restricted in doing so. I love how people will listen to their employers more than they listen to God.

Arguing

2008-12-05T18:07:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting discussion in my Spanish class the other day. We had read an act of a play called, "Estudio en Blanco y Negro" (A Study in White and Black). The short version of this little act starts out with a man coming to a park with benches and a marble statue of a general on a horse. He yells out, "White!" Another man in the park hears him and yells, "Black!" This is the start of an argument between the two on whether it's black or white. They even started throwing punches!

Soon, a young couple enjoying some alone time in the park get corraled in to the discussion. The girlfriend, when asked, answered, "white." The boyfriend disagreed and said "Black." That started them off in an argument over who was right and who was wrong. They realized shortly into their argument that they were getting angry over nothing. The boyfriend points out, though, that if his girlfriend had just agreed with him, they wouldn't have argued. She in turn becomes upset at the notion and gets angrier. By then, the two men who started it all changed topics and conversed over where the other lived and so on and so forth. Sooner or later, all four were back to yelling at each other. The scene ends as a third man enters the park and yells, "Yellow" multiple times.

I came away from this drama some what perplexed. To what were they referring as black or white? Why were they getting so overworked about it? Was the issue over whether the unidentified object was black, white or yellow, or was there something deeper? As a class, we addressed some of these questions and through the discussion, I became aware of my idiosyncracies in arguing. My teacher asked what was the stupidest thing we had ever argued and with whom. It took me awhile to think of anything. I thought of some of my arguments with Melody Anderson, a good friend of mine, and with my mother, but the subject matter eluded me.

I realized that it was safe to say that most of my arguments were stupid. Not that I'm stupid, but I choose my battles poorly. My dad has quite a philosophy on this. He has told me on numerous occasions, "You can win the battle, but lose the war." Also, he has cautioned me about whether or not that was the hill I wanted to die on.

I guess the bottom line is: I want to be right. I don't care if it's over whether hot pizza tastes better than cold pizza or if my mother sounded critical or not. But I have to ask myself: is it worth it to be right? In my pursuit of rightness, what do I lose? Many a times, my dad has told me that people don't care what you know unless they know that you care. So it really doesn't matter whether or not I'm right and the other person is wrong. Okay, now that that's understood, can I actually follow through with it?

Here's a funny Monty Python video about arguing and some other stuff:

Pros and cons of the rally week

2008-08-13T10:19:00.001-06:00

As many might know, the Sturgis motorcycle rally dominated my life for about seven days. That means a week of corruption, debauchery and lawlessness that has caused me to have to soak my retinas for double the time that they were exposed to all of the above.

Case in point.

But, there were some other cool things that I rather enjoyed being introduced to: the wonderful world of custom bikes.
But, there's only so much of bikes that you can take if you really don't know anything about them. However, there were other things to catch the eye:
I'm trying to mimic his face. It didn't work.
Cool dude, huh?

Then of course, you get to go to really cool things, such as Kenny Chesney. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I've realized on dream I've put on my list of things to do before I die: see the most beautiful man on the planet.
Okay, so not the best of quality, but I loved it. For more on the Sturgis motorcycle rally, go to the Sturgis Street blogs at: http://www.rapidcityjournal.com/sturgisstreetblog/

Feel the engine, hear the engine, be the engine

2008-08-13T09:58:00.000-06:00

Oh man, I had my first ever cognizant-of-what-I-was-doing motorcycle ride.

It was a sweet ride.

Our friend (more like, our financial advisor) from Nebraska City came up for the Sturgis motorcycle rally. I didn't think he'd come in style quite like that. He also has two Harley-Davidsons at home!

It sits three in the back, but we went two at a time. First was Katie and I.

Katie's having fun and looking a little windblown.

Then Emily and Rebecca have a turn. It was great.

The weird thing was, I didn't feel that it constituted a real motorcycle ride. But then again, I shouldn't be too picky, now, should I?

The death of a horse keeper

2008-07-25T14:20:00.000-06:00

Yet another significant event has caused me to reevaluate life as I know it. Early this afternoon, my sister Emily texted me at work informing me that my Grandpa Beu died this morning. I was in shock of course and she didn't have much more information to give me. The last time someone close to me died was my Grandma Gordon, but I was only 16. Then, I don't think I had too much of a grasp on the concept of death.

Sunday, we had a lesson on mourning the death of a loved one from the Joseph Smith manual. How appropriate for my family at this time. I wasn't very close with my grandfather. The last time I saw him was in a visit our family made to Washington last summer for my cousin's wedding. He and my dad were so alike, I noticed. They had the same mannerisims in how they interacted with others. They were both very loveable. But of course the major differences stood out, mainly the absence of religion in my grandparents life was the biggest chasm of all.

As I analyze my grief and sadness, I feel a rather close connection if I imagine my grandfather on the other side of the veil, going through a "checking in" of sorts.

"John Franklin Beu," he'd say.

"Hmm..." the angel at check-in would scan his list. "Yup, here you are. Died this morning? Well, welcome to the world of Spirits."

I also imagine somewhat of a welcoming committe made up of his mother and father and other relatives. Maybe even his ex-wife. Who knows. I imagine him learning all sorts of things about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ by other spirits who know. I imagine him wanting to accept what he's being taught, but not being able to do much about it.

I see a family trip to the temple to do his work for him, whether we know or not that he's accepted the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

This is very much skewed and inaccurate, but it strangely consoles me to imagine what it's like up there from what I've studyied about the Spirit World.

Other thoughts have gone through my mind, such as how important family relationships are. I myself am not very good at keeping in contact with my extended family. I never have been and neither has my mother or father. I want to change that, as I learned in a class at school, these relationships are perpetuated beyond the grave. I am also held accountable for the relationships I have and what I do with, I believe.

After today, I plan on getting in contact with aunts and uncles with whom I have talked for a long time. I plan on calling my grandmother more often, as well as my mother's father, with whom it's difficult to talk. These plans should have been priority from the beginning. But it's never too late.

High Fives this week

2008-06-15T21:56:00.000-06:00

So I thought I would take a new approach to blogging: post my top five events of the week.

In no particular order:

1. I learned my design 2 shift at the newspaper I'm working at. Makes me happy! I can do it without supervision, or without any help at all! Unless I have 16 pages to do, then I can worry. But all I do is plug it in, plug it in. The stories, that is. Or the pictures and the headlines. But I'm getting to be a pro! The only thing is, the people in the office don't like whistling or humming! I'm screwed! The problem with that is I whistle or hum without knowing it. Like one of the guy's cell phone went off and the ringtone was Indiana Jones (so cool!). A few minutes later, another guy said, "Here, we don't like whistling, humming, or singing." I didn't even notice I had done that! Sheesh, picky picky.

2. Winning a game of racquetball! I played three games of cutthroat with my dad and another guy. My dad won first, then the other guy, then me. Well, it's a big accomplishment because first off, I sucked it up. Then I gradually warmed up and then I won 14-5-6!! Now, if only I can beat my dad at singles...

3. Getting my scrapbooks in order for assimilation. That should be fun and maybe take up the rest of the summer! I am currently working on taking my baby pictures out of those acidic, horrible-for-archiving pages. I can't believe how cute I am!

4. This weekend was so fun. Why? Because I hung out with my family. We cleaned out the garage, took old clothes to Salvation Army, and watched "Chicken Little" together. Actually, before we watched the movie, my dad felt obligated to go to a barbeque for a friend from work. I went along to keep him from being lonely among the alcohol-guzzling party-goers. Well, turns out that we weren't the only Mormons there as a family from church came to the party as well. We were so surprised! They joined us and another couple who were their visiting the friend of dad's (he was the guy's brother) and funny thing: they're from Farmington, UT. So us Mormons make sure we make a good impression on the National Guard Recruiter and his wife. We ended up having lots of fun and good conversation about the church especially. He even said if I ever was needed a place to crash to look them up in Utah. I thought that was interesting seeing that we just met.

5. Okay, this might be really lame, but I found this really funny latin song about a mammoth - but it's actually really terrible. I first heard this song on a bus in Santo Domingo and I turned to my Nicaraguan companion and asked her about it. She said it wasn't a very good song -- and she was right! This mammoth ends up dying after wanting to learn to smoke, drink, do drugs, and other things. but the music is so cute - I can just forget that I know Spanish. On a better note, I found other music that I had fallen in love with on my mission, which made me very happy.

A dinosaur named Sue

2008-05-07T21:37:00.001-06:00

It's my second day on the job as a summer intern for the Rapid City Journal. I've had the privilege today to see a (nearly) living tribute to Johnny Cash's song "A Boy Named Sue." This one, however, takes the form of a 65 million-year-old Tyrannosaurus Rex. Found about 18 years ago 15 miles from Faith, South Dakota, the most complete, intact and well-preserved t-rex skeleton was found. Unfortunately, because it was found on an Indian Reservation, a legal battle ensued, Sue (named for the paleontologist who found it) was put into storage for a time until she was sold at an auction to the Field Museum of Chicago for $8.4 million. That's an expensive set of bones.

Since that time, three traveling exhibits of Sue were created to show him or her (the sex is still unknown) off to the world. One is an international exhibit where currently it is on display in Dubai. Another is a permanent display in Florida at Dino Land or something like that. The last exhibit travels throughout the United States and for the first time will come to back home to Faith for four months.

I drove up with a photographer and videographer to see Sue get put together. A team from the Field Museum had flown in that morning to assemble it for the opening reception Friday. Daryl Van Essen, the main assembly man (I forget his title), compared it to putting Legos together. Maybe a giant set of Legos. Five other men from Faith helped out, but Daryl and Hector, the other Field Museum guy, were the experts. I was looking up from below the 16 foot high hip bone; one challenge caused a dancing movement of Sue as the team moved the hip bone around to secure the two leg bones. It was quite amusing.

However, it was taking a bit of our time (nearly 2 hours since we had arrived) and they were only at the rib cage. They had about four more pieces to go. Plus, the fumes from the propane tank on the forklift were getting to me.

We finished our interviewing and then went to the Sinclair across the street. I started talking with the cashier about Sue and then an older gentlemen walked in swearing about the cones protecting the newly painted cross walk. Rita, the cashier, asked the man about Sue. He chattered away about when Sue was first discovered, about being there and getting to know the paleontologists and especially Sue.

"She was a cute little bugger," he said with a twinkle in his eye. I had to laugh. But my comrades were anxious to leave so we adiosed and left for Rapid City.

No need for a Jurassic Park when we have one right here in South Dakota.

Start of summer va-ca (well, vacation not so much)

2008-04-24T21:30:00.001-06:00

Okay, time to update...

So I've been home about (pause as I look at the calendar) 2 weeks now. It's been crazy. My first Sunday home, I picked up a friend from the airport who came to visit me. Why is this new? She came all the way from Russia to see me! Well, that's somewhat of an exaggeration as Rimma, my friend, was actually in Washington, D.C. for an international law competition. Her Russian team placed 9th out of 200 countries. Ha, and we make fun of the Russians.

It was actually a small miracle that we got together. We got to be close friends in high school; she was a foreign exchange student living with a really good friend of mine. Our family shared Christmas with her because her host family had other plans (weird, I know). Our friendship has been a miracle. Well, I've known about her trip for a few months and she asked me to meet her halfway to D.C. That was a no-can-do thing because it would be either a plane ticket or a down payment on a car. I know, I know, sounds a bit selfish of me, right? Well, luckily, she's already a lawyer and could afford the $300 plane ticket to Rapid City, South Dakota.

We had a blast! We ran up and down the Black Hills, stopping at the tourist traps such as Deadwood and Lead (mining and gambling communities) and of course we couldn't leave out Mt. Rushmore. We saw the Herbie car in Deadwood's Hollywood Hotel. We cozied up to Wild Bill Hickok and mourned his premature death during a game of cards. We goggled at the largest gold mine in the world (according to the visitors' center informational video). We explored the Journey Museum, tried on cowboy hats and mounted horse saddles.

Rimma's biggest amazement was the fact that the snow scattered across parts of the Rapid City area didn't melt. However, chocolate candy and crayons melted, but not the snow (granted, the candy and crayons were in the car...). She loved seeing our guinea pigs, Mixie and Tedi, and took in the wonder of our ever-present Native American culture here in South Dakota. What I love about Rimma is her child-like wonder at the simple things. We also enjoyed as a family good discussions on politics and economics and religion.

My favorite part about the trip consists of two things: one was when we attended the baptism of a little Chinese lady. It was a wonderful, powerful experience. The other was after institute when the sister missionaries handed her a Russian Book of Mormon. Of course she can read English very well, but how many of us can understand Isaiah in our native tongue of English? So I hope that with the things we talked about and the things she felt, something will happen in the future.

Well, things quieted down after Rimma left. Actually, things stayed pretty noisy (you would know if you knew my family and my crazy sisters! Okay, I'm crazy too!), but we've all been involved in our different activities. I've been working for the nicest lady in the world, Ramona Policky, who has me doing odds and ends for her until my internship starts May 6. Oh, did I mention that my best friend, Sierra, works with me too? We both agree that we have the best job ever.

Speaking of my internship, my "boss" (I think that's who it is) told me that instead of doing copy editing and layout/page design like we originally planned, I would be a reporter for the first month, working Tuesday through Saturday. I was a little disappointed; I really liked the first idea. But this is where I can overcome challenges thrown at me. I've been looking for story opportunities, and doing so has me pretty much scared out of my mind. But I can handle it. I've done worse, I'm sure.

I had an interesting experience last night: as a favor to my dad, I spoke with about 20 young men at their mid-week church activity. The subject was career exploration and planning for college. Trust me, it was interesting. Not the PowerPoint (those are never interesting, I wish I had made it up though. Except the laptop we were using screwed up the visuals...). The young men had some interesting comments — I think someone mentioned he wanted to be a ballerina, another said a professional hobo. But for the most part, they were basically attentive; I tried spicing things up by showing them a couple of videos that my roommates and I had done to show them college isn't completely a waste of time (ha, ha). I had never really done any sort of speaking/presentation with high school aged guys in a long time, so I think it was dry, and lacked punch. If I have another chance, I have been well prepared (and warned).

Well, this summer should prove exciting. Heck, if you're in a single's branch, only Spanish soap operas have more drama than that!

Stay tuned for more (and frequent) updates!

A family history buff/monster in the making

2008-03-23T23:27:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm going to forget the fact that it's been a long time...

Can I just say how much I love family history? It's amazing and it definitely instills something in you: a love for people that you don't even know. We are all so inextricable, but yet so disconnected, especially with our forebearers.

My excitement came long ago when the semester just started and when I started to take a Family History class. Diving more in to my past created a "monster," if you will. I voraciously search almost every chance I'm on the internet (if I'm not doing facebook or checking email). There is something inside each of us that wants to know who we are and where we come from. This is where it starts.

I began a more intense search for different ancestors around the time that I was working on a video podcast for my visual media class. My inspiration for the podcast came from looking for information on my great, great grandmother, Challie Livingston. I was blessed enough to find a good amount of information on her while working on the podcast. Coincidence? I think not.

I found U.S. Census records, childrens' names and ages, parents and a whole long line of people related to her. It was like digging in your chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and finding a nugget of cookie dough. It tasted that good.

I finished my podcast project, but I have continued to look for information. Currently I'm stuck with Challie's husband's information. I have his dad's name and his mom's name, but the rest of his siblings are a little tricky. It also looks like his dad may have had a previous marriage, but I can't be 100 percent sure.

By far, my most exciting news is what I did today: I prepared names to take to the temple. For those who don't know, as Latter-day Saints, we believe that people have chances after death to accept Jesus Christ, if they didn't have the chance here during their life. Since we don't know for sure if that happens, we are baptized in behalf of them (proxy) for those who do accept the Savior's teachings on Baptism by immersion, repentance, faith, and others. To us, it's very special, especially for our progenitors.

On another note, Spring is here! Well, almost. It's still frigid in the mornings with frost on the car and your breath crystallizing in the air. But, the sun is coming up earlier and staying out longer. This is enough to satisfy me, well, except for the temperature. Shoots are seen along the walkways. I'm sure the birds will be singing soon, if not already.

This does make one think if winter will be missed at all. I can think of a few things: leaving leftovers outside when the fridge is full, ice-capades on the way to class, beautiful snow fall, piles of snow ten feet high, missing the chances to snowboard, ski, or sled. I think that pretty much covers it. At least for those of us with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) can rest easy and stop being depressed.

On come the shorts!

Memoirs of a sentimental realist

2008-01-03T16:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I've come to the end of another holiday break. This one, though, in particular causes me to reflect on myself, what I've learned, who I'm becoming, etc. With the start of a new year, I would hope everyone would do that.

It's been an eventful year for me, for which I am grateful. I wrapped up my mission, returning in April and jumped right back into civilian life. I accomplished a lot more in my love life: a first kiss and, consequently, a boyfriend. That was to be short-lived, but full of adventures in and of itself. I started working for a wonderful, generous lady who helped fund my mission as well. I became good friends with my co-worker, Sierra, who is absolutely amazing. I traveled to Washington state to see the marriage of my cousin. The travel bug never really left me as I returned to Ecuador to see the marriage of two wonderful families that I came to love as a missionary. That trip was especially intense as it was extended, due to full flights that continually pushed my companion and me back a couple of days (we flew standby). School came after that and I jumped right into a full load of classes and work on the newspaper, Scroll.

Now here I am: on the edge of a new year, a new semester, and new possibilities. Often, I feel overwhelmed with all that lays out in front of me. It's like an artist contemplating his empty canvas, or a writer staring at a blank page. They both have endless choices, and only they can make that choice. That is where I am. Staring at the blank page before me, not knowing the direction to go. So many choices! Where do I begin? Now knowing the proverbial sky is the limit, I want to do everything, see everything, go everywhere! What can stop me? Well, it seems that just reality is my only roadblock. Reality being money, school, etc. Plus, the unknown is a little troublesome. But man! I am excited!

Starting up

2007-10-23T20:19:00.000-06:00

Well, here is my first attempt at a blog. As I've heard from professionals in my field (communication), a blog is a good thing to start up. I need the practice, and you need to read what I write and provide feedback to what I have to say.

First of all, my thoughts are swirling around my future. What a mess, I think. I have really no idea what I want to do, other than satisfy my need to live and breath New York City. I guess I never realized how addicting that city is. Now the problem is applying for all those darned internships. What a pain. I mean, that's a good thing. I guess I wish I were more prepared. But that will come with experience.

Well, until next time! Chao!